


Predictability

by pretentiousasshole



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-27
Updated: 2015-02-27
Packaged: 2018-03-15 10:37:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3444032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pretentiousasshole/pseuds/pretentiousasshole
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No. A silly, preposterous thought. Born and raised on the streets of the underground, his path was already marked down in ink. The probability of dying painlessly was a next to none chance, and yet… (Or: How Levi and Erwin are trapped outside of the walls)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Predictability

y

What a predictable way to die. Levi always thought… No, _knew_ that he was going to die a violent death one way or the other. Rather it being on the streets or between a Titan’s mangy gums, it didn’t matter. All he knew was that he’d die with his blood splattered across something, pavement or grass.

            He knew and he was always ready… But now that the moment arrived, he was feeling sorely disappointed.

            Maybe it was because joining the Scouting Legion changed him far more than he could tell or that it was just the natural result of aging (he found a small gray hair yesterday while he was combing it and almost went batshit on Erwin), but maybe…. Maybe, he thought as he curled up in bed with Erwin at his side, maybe he could die in a bed in a house, safe within the walls. Maybe if he lived long enough he could…

            No. A silly, preposterous thought. Born and raised on the streets of the underground, his path was already marked down in ink. The probability of dying painlessly was a next to none chance, and yet…

            He looked down at the man on his right, his unconscious commander and then nestled himself deeper in the brush that they were hiding in. They went on a mission earlier this morning, a wild goose chase for the Beast Titan. The mission was… As Levi recalled it, a goddamn failure.

            They followed its trail outside of wall Rose and just to the barrier of wall Maria. It had been giving humanity the slip for about almost half a year, when it struck just inside wall Sina, causing almost a third of the people inside to turn into Titans. After that harrowing incident, they vowed to catch it. When they almost had it, when they were so close to catching that Titan and maybe discovering the secret once and for all… That was when everything went downhill.

            The minute they trapped it, it shrieked, a shrill, jarring, sound and summoned a horde of Abberants right toward them. The results were disastrous.

            Erwin stirred, his arm and legs twitching awkwardly in pain and his eyes fluttered open for a brief second. He moaned and choked, almost spitting up a mouthful of blood and Levi put a hand down to stroke his bloody, muddy hair.

            “Where are we?” Erwin asked weakly. “What happened to-?”

            “Shh,” Levi whispered, and put a single finger upon Erwin’s lips to silence him. “Sh…Don’t talk. We’re just by wall Maria.”

            Erwin fell silent and sighed. “So the mission was a failure then… And Eren, Armin and Mikasa?”

            “Dead. All three… Dead. Fucking Aberrant…”

            The words hung in the air for a few moments and Levi could see the weight of his answer upon the other man, the last light seep out of his eyes to be replaced with a scathing anger and disillusionment. Levi had never seen Erwin like this ever.

            “They were our last hope,” Erwin said, the anger not yet receding from his eyes. “Our _last_ hope,” he repeated bitterly, and Levi bit his lip in the oncoming silence.

            They sat in the brush and a bleak despair seemed to overtake them and crush them slowly until Levi felt like he could not move a muscle.

            It was Erwin who finally broke the silence.

            The anger was gone out of his eyes, Levi noted, thank god. But now, Levi found that the anger was replaced with a more fearful expression. That of curiosity. “Levi… What do you think would happen if we tried to walk back to Wall Rose?”

            “What? Have you gone insane?” Levi shook his head and ran his fingers through his dirty, sweaty hair. “Erwin, my leg is broken, you got bit up… again, and we’re hiding in a _goddamn_ bush! We’re going to die here, okay? There’s no point in arguing.”

            “I just asked what would happen, not for a tongue lashing,” a smile tugged at the sides of Erwin’s mouth, and Levi relaxed a bit, while also turning red in the cheeks.

            “Whatever, idiot. Planning is your specialty, anyways,” Levi said, and Erwin chuckled.

            “Yeah… I’m not very good at it, don’t you think?” The question was not meant for anyone, or so Levi hoped, and sat there quietly while Erwin tried to tug himself into a sitting position.

            “Don’t move,” it was more of an order than a request, and Levi pushed him down gently, as to not touch any of the gaping wounds across his chest.

            “I don’t take orders from you, corporal,” Erwin said tiredly, but did not resist the gentle pressure of Levi’s hand pushing him back to the earth.

            “Yeah? Well, fuck off,” Levi said.

            “So eloquent, as always,” mumbled Erwin. He paused for a moment. “Levi… How long do you think we’ll have ‘till daylight?”

            “An hour, at most.”

            “Hm.”

            “Get some rest,” Levi said. Soon, daylight would come, and although Levi had never experienced it, maybe sleeping while getting eaten by a titan wouldn’t be that bad.

            “Erwin?”

            “What?”

            “It’s daylight.”

            Levi heard the footsteps before his brain realized what was going on. From the sound of it, what was coming towards them was a 6 or 7 meter class with a deathly penchant for human flesh.

            “Well, I guess this is it, Levi,” Erwin said quietly, reaching out to grip the other man’s hand. Erwin’s palm was much larger than Levi’s, and as they clasped their hands together, Levi felt like a child again, held tight to a father’s embrace. He felt that he needed to say something. This death may be predictable, but maybe… Maybe he could…

            “E-Erwin… I don’t really do this but…” He trailed off, his voice raw and dry. Levi was not the kind for misplaced emotions. He once put kindness into the hearts of the ones he cared about, but each kind word, each kind action was paid back ten times more with despair. Even now before their inexorable demises, he knew the kind of pain improper words could be.

            Erwin understood. “It is okay, Levi. You don’t need to talk about it.”

            They huddled closer together, the titan’s steps falling strangely in sync with the metronomic beating of their hearts. Levi’s breath hitched, a drop of sweat trickled down Erwin’s brow… All was silent until the titan stopped directly in front of the bush they were hiding in.

            “Fuck,” whispered Levi. “Fuckfuckfuckfuck…”

            “Sh, it might hear us,” Erwin breathed. It was the last thing he ever said. Not everyone, not even the most worthy got to have their last words be beautiful and honorable. It was this that pained Levi the most. It grabbed him in a flash, the chubby arm appearing only for an instant and ripping Erwin straight out of his grip. Levi did not even have time to blink.

            There was the sound of ripping flesh and the splattering of warm blood across the grass. A droplet of the warm liquid hit Levi’s cheek and he flinched. The gnashing continued for a few restless minutes and Levi felt an overwhelming urge to vomit. There was no grief inside of him, only a deep, unrelenting terror.

            _Why isn’t it eating me? Why aren’t you eating me, for fuck’s sake? Why take Erwin and then leave me here all alone?_ He was so helpless. Erwin, one of the strongest people he ever known, was now reduced to a pile of organs and all he could do was sit. He chose to fight, godammit, not to hide like a sniveling cadet! So… _why wasn’t he dead yet?_

            The titan turned away, the sound of its steps receding into the hollow drum of the forest. Suddenly Levi felt _alive_ , terribly alive and all the terror and despair that was stoppered inside of him burst forth like a fountain. He choked, soundless hiccups echoing through his body and shaking him through to his bones. He could not cry, he could only cup his hands over his mouth and pray that no titan heard him and came back for more.

            _I am humanity._

_I am hope._

_I am the strongest person who ever lived._

And he cowered. He was afraid.

 

            The pain was agonizing. He considered jumping out into the dazzling sun and just waiting until the monsters came back, but whenever he tried to crawl out, his body would not listen to him and his legs stayed limp. He was trapped.

            So he waited. He waited for hours and hours on end for a titan to come and scoop him up, just like it did with Erwin. This death was not predictable. He always thought it would be quick and painless… and that he would be spared the excruciating treatment of watching others die before him. Of course, he’d seen people die numerous times before this, but the needless suffering of others was not what he wanted to see in his last few seconds. But what was he kidding. Countless others died that way, and what was he thinking, saying that he would get a death sweeter than those innocents? It was foolhardy, and in that moment he gave up his dream of an unpredictable death.

            He drifted in and out of shadows. Sometimes he imagined that Erwin was still with him and they were back in their small cottage in Wall Rose, whispering calming words into his ear. Other times he imagined he was a titan and ate his comrades without remorse. Or he would be in hell with Erwin and they would comfort each other, knowing that this was where they belonged in the first place.

            Within his daze, he thought he heard the distant thumping of horses’ hooves but each time he tried to push himself out of the darkness, he was sucked back in again.

            The sound was getting clearer now, maybe closer. Levi shook himself out of the musk in his head and sat up. These were not the sounds of titans. This was the sound of men.

            “The footprints lead here, Squad Leader. I think they went this way…”

            “Well, then follow it. We need to be at the base camp by dawn.”

            Was that Moblit? And Hanji? What was this ‘base camp’ and why were they out searching? He was just a man, not some messiah. He did not want to be blamed for when they were killed. He wanted to shout, tell them to go back, get away. He did not want to see Erwin’s fate bestowed upon them.

            He crawled up, his movements slow and cumbersome, letting the burs of the bush scratch his skin and his face touch the moonlight.

            “Hanji, I see something!” It was Moblit. He sounded terrified. Levi smiled, dimly noticing that this was the first time he heard the man use Four Eyes’ real name. “I think it’s the Captain!”

            There was the shudder of horses over dirt and Levi drifted off again, the exhaustion from moving was too much. Suddenly, he felt hands grab him in a rough embrace and tears wet his face and clothing.

            It was the first time he’d ever seen her cry, too. Her uniform was dusty and bloodstained, and he grimaced slightly as she pressed him to her chest, until he remembered that his was probably worse.

            “Don’t ever tell _anyone_ that I cried over you, shorty,” she mumbled to him. He didn’t reply. He was too busy looking at the bush. She then began to barrage him with questions. “How’d you get here? What happened to the Squad? Where are your horses?… Wait… Where’s Erwin?”

            He didn’t reply. His face contorted awfully and he pointed down at the bush.

            “Wha-? The bush?” Hanji asked in confusion seeing only the browned blood on the leaves, and Levi began to shiver.

            There was a small opening in the leaves of the bushes. Not large enough to be terribly revealing, but large enough that when looked closely at, the hole would give you away. Levi had been situated beneath that hole, with Erwin at his right side. While he was sleeping, Erwin must have realized that whomever was beneath the hole would be the first to be seen. So, he naturally did what any _goddamn_ self-sacrificing idiot would have done. He switched their spots, and when the time came, he paid the price.

            “Erwin,” Levi rasped. “S-saved my life.”

            Hanji grimaced and Moblit paused mid step.

“That was the Commander, for you,” Hanji murmured. “Always thinking two steps ahead.”

Levi nodded, quietly. He would survive. He would survive and go back to Wall Rose, probably never to see the battlefield again. But this was what he wanted, wasn’t it? To have an unpredictable death. He would die, like so many others, on a cot in a hospital in some city where no one cared. Where no one remembered the horrors of battle. Where no one would remember the troublesome man who did something as simple as switch places with him, and yet still managed to save his life.

 For once, he defied his destiny.

           

           

           

           

           

 


End file.
